Make it Work

Jason's Italian mother and his aunties put out the most incredible spread for every holiday, and today was no exception. There is always enough food for at least three times the number of people in attendance (which today was just over 40.) We had such a great day over there eating, talking, hunting for eggs, and enjoying our family and friends. As usual, I was reminded how hugely I scored in the family department -- both mine and Jason's are 100% grade A, top notch, amazing people we feel blessed to be around.

Yesterday Dom asked me why we hadn't made a list for the Easter Bunny. "It doesn't work like that, buddy," I explained. "It's not like Santa Claus. You get what you get." He was visibly disappointed. But then this morning when he found his Easter basket, which contained a rather large talking and moving Buzz Lightyear, he squealed in delight, "But Mama! I didn't have to get what I got! I got just what I wanted!" An awesome moment where I felt that as I parent, I had truly nailed it.

Two of our friends came to spend Easter with Cora while we were in Novato. As usual, she cast her serene spell on them and dazzled them with her deep wise soul and her many chubs. When we walked in, Cora was kicking around and gave me a huge, "Mama!," smile. God, she warms my heart.

Jason and I both came back to be with Cora tonight in hopes that tomorrow will be move day. Yesterday's blood culture is holding solidly negative after 36 hours. Fingers crossed, if today's comes back negative as well, we could be on our way. I think we are both anxious to move to UC and get on with some more investigating into exactly what's going on with Cora, as well as just be closer to home.

I just looked over and Jason appears to literally be sleeping leaning over Cora's crib. This is such a tiring lifestyle. In the journey of parenting, they really don't discuss how to manage your life when one of your three children lives 60 miles away. We are a working exercise in trying our best to make things work in the midst of chaos. Most of the time it feels like an episode of Top Chef where they ask you to make a gourmet meal using only 4 ingredients, one of which is anchovy paste. It is truly a "make it work" era for us.

Because at the same time that we could get a pass if we wanted one -- on things like Easter egg decorating or normal holiday celebrations, I don't want one. Like it or not, this is our life. And I don't really see it changing in the near future, so I don't want to look back on this time like the "lost era." When I look around, I see that our kids are growing up. Things are happening: Cosette is learning more and more words and expressions everyday; Dom is learning letters and sounds and the building blocks of spelling and reading. As my mom always reminds us, "life goes on." So we just have to find a way to incorporate all this into our lives. To see this as just being a part of life, no matter how undesirable a part, just a part of the whole big glorious bundle.

That's why I've decided to take Dom and Cosie to Disneyland next week. Yup. I really have. Jason encouraged me to take a couple of days away and just do something purely fun with the kids. I resisted at first, but then I remembered that life is going on. I will miss my little chubbalub, but Jason can stay with Cora and it really will be okay. It seems like a pretty beautiful idea to give these little ones, who have already shouldered a giant emotional load, something really, really fun with their mama. And I need that from them too.

Happiest place on earth, here we come.