Just another day here

Don't feel like I have a lot to say tonight, so I will keep it brief. Jason and I are both at the hospital for a couple of days. It isn't a romantic getaway or anything, but it's pretty wonderful to spend some time together.

They started Cora on her new IV infused medication this afternoon, which they hope will raise her heart rate. It's unclear whether or not she is tolerating it well -- her work of breathing has definitely increased. They've stopped and started it a couple of times and now have changed the dose. She's been steady now for a few hours, although it's not really raising her heart rate as of now, so I guess we'll see. Her doctors think if they could override her heart block and get her to a higher rate it could help her gain weight, which really is their primary focus right now. If she could only get bigger she would have so many more options, and where she sits now she hasn't gained anything in the last ten days or so.

Other than that, life is just going on.

As it has been on almost every other day since this journey began, I had some periods today where my gut was wrenched, and I had some good hard belly laughs (today it was thanks to my sister Jen, who spent tonight, her birthday, on a date with baby Cora.) I felt that motherly guilt for leaving two children to be with the third, and I also had the underlying knowledge that they truly will be and already are all right. I feared we will lose Cora, and I also believed she will one day be a healthy little girl, delighting all of us.

I felt grateful for all the family and friends, old and new, who just never seem to run out of love. I felt especially blessed to have two sisters who have just absolutely shined throughout this ordeal.

Jay is holding Cora as she sleeps now. All I can see of her is the top of her head, covered in soft little baby hair. Cords and tubes and beeps, currently pushed to the background by more important things, like hugs.

Cora Shabora, love surrounds you.