Suggestion Box

It was another frustrating day of waiting for something to happen. Again, there wasn't a bed available at UCSF so we are still here.

Cora's breathing was still very fast today, with a decent amount of sweating and throwing up. They increased her oxygen to see if that helped. It didn't seem to do much. She mostly slept and was only awake for little spurts. I guess I'd probably be tired too if I had to work so hard to breathe.

I've started to inquire about further tests or steps we could or should be taking if we end up waiting here at Stanford for very long. I'd just as soon keep investigating how to make Cora better instead of this relentless waiting. We'll see what they end up wanting to do, but at least the dialog has been started. I am an action-oriented, type A control freak. I don't like it when nothing is happening. To someone like me, waiting and not knowing are the most difficult emotions.

If there was a comment box here I would neatly pencil in, "Do something!" But there isn't.

Tonight I feel incredibly frustrated and over it. All of it! I just want to move ahead to the next phase. I want to figure out why Cora is still sick even though her heart is better. I want doctors to want to know this as much as I do. I want Cora to feel good. I want to take Cora outside, on a walk, or to the park. I want to live at home. With my entire family.

Blah.

On the bright side, when my mom was visiting today we let Cora be free with her bare buns for a while. She was so happy about it. There is probably nothing better than naked baby bums. They make any situation better.

Also I got a visit today from my very best friend from high school, who I hadn't seen in about four years. I'm so grateful for how Cora has reconnected me with so many people from my past. And now, one of my dearest friends who lives about 800 miles away has just arrived at the hospital for her third visit since this ordeal began. All these friendships and all this support, yet another gift from God, and from Cora, my little spiritual being who brings people together.

She doesn't get frustrated. Even now as I see her sleeping there, she is calm and happy. Never irritated or filled with angst. She doesn't want me to be those things either. She wants me to be in the now and stop trying to figure things out.

Ok Cora, I'm checking out of needing to know for now. I'll just go with my friend, chat a lot and probably cry a little, drink my coffee, and be grateful for the little miracle that is you.