Some moments for my box of beautiful memories

I came back to the hospital this morning and reunited with my little squish muffin. It was so special to see her and see her recognize me, and she made her little humming sounds nonstop, almost as though she was telling me all about her last few days. My sister Amy was here for a procedure my niece was having, so it was a regular old family party. First things first we gave her a bath and got her spruced up for the day.  She always enjoys a good sponge bath. Then Jason and I took her for a wagon-free stroll around the third floor. Pretty revolutionary to just carry your child around. Granted there was an IV pole in tow, but it was progress, and it was awesome.

Mostly today was about waiting. Now that we know Cora does not, for now, need a heart transplant, we are restarting our prior plan to transfer back to UCSF. That's where we have our strongest relationships, it's where Cora's primary cardiologist is, and it is also the place that will be most convenient for all the clinic and follow-up appointments she'll need through the years. We will get the pacemaker there if the UC electrophysiology team agrees she needs it.

The team here knows we plan to transfer, so the doctors here spoke with the doctors at UCSF and now it's just back to the old game of waiting for a bed space to become available. Maybe tomorrow, maybe not. We are on hospital time, after all.

In between the waiting this afternoon, I laid Cora on the daybed next to me and we chatted for a while until she fell asleep, all cuddled up to me. I had never done that before, mostly because there hasn't been a cot within cord distance for Cora in any of her previous rooms. The thought occurred to me, and then I thought the nurse might not like it, and then I thought, who cares -- I am lying down next to my child for crying out loud.

Having her there right next to me, I felt like I had just been plugged in for a charge. I could almost see the bars on my battery flashing more and more with her filling me up, minute by minute. It's a simple thing, to lie there right next to your child with your cheek on the top of her head, and your hand tucked around her little bum. But I don't need to tell you that it was far more than that for me.