After Surgery

Jason and I went home last night and slept for a few hours. I called around 6am to learn that Cora had a lot of pain overnight but was overall holding steady. I called again at 8:30 on our drive in, and she was doing well, but when we walked in about a half an hour later she was having a hard time.

It's been a busy day around here. There were lots of issues of all kinds throughout the day, and she had periods where she was doing better and periods where she was doing worse. It's possible it's just her body mounting a stressful reaction to the surgery or to the use of the defibrillator last night. It was a big surgery with a lot of hardware, and it will hopefully just take her a few days to get back to her baseline. We know that the days following cardiac surgery are always eventful; I guess I was just reminded today.

This morning her electrophysiologist and the rep from the pacemaker manufacturer were in the room tweaking her heart rhythms. The control device is basically a laptop attached to a thick cord with a magnetic disk on the end of it. To change any of the pacemaker settings they just set the magnet end on Cora's tummy and program away on the laptop. It's wild. In our conversation with the rep he reminded me that the device Cora has was designed for individuals of average age 72, so of course it will be a little bulky for her. I'm sure she'll acclimate, but for now she's definitely uncomfortable.

In fact it's taken me about two hours to write this post because Cora has needed a lot of attention this evening. Her little pain cry is so heartbreaking. She's getting a blood transfusion and more medication right now. Hopefully it will help.

I really do hate seeing her this way. It was somewhat different when she had her first surgery because she was brand new to us, and getting to know her was done in the context of the ICU, the machines, the medication drips, the procedures. Of course it was horrendous to see her that way, but now we've had a chance to know Cora and to fall even more in love with her. We've seen her kick around and smile and be very happy. So it is extra painful to have to set her back in this way, even though I know we didn't have a choice. The look in her eyes seems to say, "why?" And I don't have a decent answer.

One day I'm sure this will all be a distant memory. But for tonight I'm feeling sad for my little bear.