Sick (Cora), and Tired (me)

The last couple of days have felt hard. Cora has come down with another (or the same) virus, and it has taken its toll on her. Last night was one of very little sleep as she struggled, and we repeatedly tried to suction her tiny little airways, and she barely slept, and we slept even less.

I took her to the cardiologist today just to make sure this sickness isn't indicative of something larger going wrong, but it appears, for now, she is managing all right through what really does appear to be a common bug. They did an echocardiogram and thankfully her heart function is right where it was when we were discharged. Both her doctors and we will watch her very closely as she gets through this sickness, because after all, a virus was the start of our very long ordeal back in December. As you can imagine, the whole situation is giving me a bit of post traumatic stress disorder.

Dominic said today, in his ever-growing obsession with Star Wars, "mama, I'm going to use the force to make Cora better." If only.

We are walking a road that is truly just a day at a time, an experience at a time. I always have to come back to that truism. Some days, especially days following sleepless nights, feel very overwhelming. I wonder if I will be tired and on edge for the rest of my life, and I wonder just how much on edge and for how long there a person can live. Will I ever feel carefree and truly relaxed again? I'm sure I will, but it's hard to imagine from today's seat on the roller coaster.

In my Mother's Day package, someone was kind enough to send me Calgon, which I find very apropos.

Just for the moment, all is well. The kids are sleeping. Cora is sleeping like the peaceful little puppy she is. Just splayed out on a blanket on the living room floor without a care in the world.

Time for bed for me, and hopefully a new perspective tomorrow.